Summer and Snakes

Summer and Snakes

By: Dr. Jeff Fuller

We have wrapped up another school year, observed awards programs and graduations, closed out a successful Relay for Life, hosted a wonderful float along the famous Hacket Creek and got through May without any bad weather conditions.  That is the May we have enjoyed in Coosa County.  I would have to say, “so far, so good.”  Right?

Quickly we are heading into the summer season.  A great deal of big things to do in the summer months.  Throughout the county individuals will be dusting off the outdoor grills, planning vacations to the beach, spending time on the lake, or sitting lazily on the porch swing.  It is great to live in such a place, where the pace can be adjusted to the seasons.

Of course here at Rockford, we have several upcoming events which tend to speed up the pace.  Youth Camp will be the first week in June, with the last week being Vacation Bible School.  In July we will host an event for couples and there is no getting around the plans for revival and Back to Church Month in September.

With summer comes the crawling reptiles as they slitter through our yards and the nearby woods.  Snakes come to life and present a ton of troubles.  There have already been several sightings of these creatures of God, with one potential snake bite on the Chilton County side of Lake Mitchell.  Needless to say they are out in force, I do not like them, and they can hurt me-caused by running away from them.

I have so many snake stories, and I am not sure which ones I have told and the ones I have not told.

We use to have a family, the Owens Family, come sing for us when I was back on the mountain.  This was actually Randy Owens mothers group, and they were of the variety of believers who prided themselves in being called, “Snake Handlers.”

One Sunday afternoon, Mrs. Owens and the band came to set up for the evening service.  We were talking about the services from that morning, comparing notes.  We both agreed that our respective services were well attended, spirit filled and the response to the message was wonderful.  But she lost me when she started talking about the snakes being brought out.

“Brother Bill was a just winding down,” she said, “when Deacon Goodman brought out the biggest, prettiest, longest rattler I’d ever laid eyes on.  I got in the spirit, danced down the aisle and took it right out of Deacon Willy’s hands.  I lifted it up, spoke over it and dropped it to the floor.”

I refused to shake her hand or get anywhere close to her.

I read a snake story recently that made me laugh harder than I should admit.

The story is that a lady found a small snake crawling across her floor as she came home from the grocery store.  She dropped the bags in her tracks, and while it was going under the couch, she screamed.

Her husband who was in the shower, came to her rescue dripping wet and wrapped in a towel.  She told him what was happening and he got down on the floor and began searching for the snake under the couch. 

While he was down there, the little monster came out, crawled along his leg and bit him on the ankle.  His wife saw it happen and climbed on a chair, while her husband banged his head on the coffee table attempting to get up from the floor, thus causing him to black out.

A neighbor came over, found the wife in the chair, and the husband unconscious on the floor, called 911 and told the dispatcher that he was at the neighbor’s house, where the wife had killed her husband.

The police arrived first, attempted to get things under control, but about the moment an officer calmed the wife down and started his interview, the snake crawled out from under the recliner.  As the little thing skittered along the edge of the couch, the officer pulled his gun, shot at the slimy reptile, and hit the man in the thigh.

The wife passed out, began to fall from the chair and knocked herself unconscious, hitting the floor with a thud.

The Medics arrived, surveyed the scene and went to the aid of the man first.  They stopped the bleeding, put him on a gurney and started toward the door leading to the front porch.  About that time the snake crawled between the legs of the Medic at the head of the gurney, who fell backwards trying to get away from the reptile.  He dropped the gurney and the husband tumbled to the floor.

About the time the Medic was trying to avoid the snake and fall, causing the husband to roll from the gurney, the wife passed out again.  As she fell her head made contact with the end table and cut a gnash into her scalp.

The Medics reloaded the husband on one gurney and the wife on another and headed toward the ambulance.  The neighbor thinking he needed to get rid of the snake, took his lighter from his pocket, set a piece of newspaper on fire and began chasing the poor snake.  In the process of ridding the den and house of the snake, the curtains caught on fire, and the fire department was called to the scene.

The fire department put out the fire which burned the den and kitchen, smoked up the house, and caused considerable water damage to the rest of the house. 

Later that afternoon, the wife and husband returned to the house.  The husband had stiches in his thigh and ankle, and a butterfly bandage on his head, and a sprained back; the wife had a black eye, snitches in her head, and was sore from her falls.

As they stood, surveying the damage to the house, the little snake crawled out from the rumble, eased along the wall as the two adults looked on dumbfounded, and crawled through the open door and into the wild.

The wife asked the husband, “Ready to get a pet?”

Until next time…