Living Life in Liberty: February 2014

Cyberbullying: Far Reaching Problem with a Call to Action

By: Dr. Jeff Fuller

(The faces...The first seven pictures of those who were bullied and died as a result of not being able to handle it or no one intervening.)

Allow me to take you back to May 13, 2010. It was reported on that day that a young girl had jumped to her death from a bridge overpass.

According to the press it is reported that Alex Moore, age 15, walked from her rural home in Chilton County Alabama to an overpass above Interstate 65 and plunged to her death. Several drivers on the highway saw her take the fatal dive. It was Wednesday, May 12, 2010.

She had complained of bullying at school, had difficulty overcoming the death of a sister in a freak accident, and additionally she was not with the “in crowd,” she was overweight and was being teased. Here note she left did not allude to the bullying, but did speak of the deep feelings she had regarding her sister’s death.

It was said that “Alex didn't trust authorities and may not have been willing to tell administrators about bullying at school.” She had complained to an assistant principal recently harassment from male students but she let the matter drop after an administrator talked to the youths. The school administrator had informed her, should it happen again, for her to return with that information.

School bullying has gained new

attention after two students in Massachusetts hanged themselves separately in recent months after suffering repeated harassment from classmates. In one of the cases, six students are criminally charged in connection with the student's death. A Massachusetts law bans bullying on school property and cyberbullying.

While the law is good, the problem still exist and seems to take a life of its own. We read about a 14 year old who is charged with stalking a 12 year old, causing her to commit suicide in Winter Haven, Florida.

It seems that a controversial Facebook post is what led to the suspect’s arrest. Two girls, ages 14 and 12, were arrested in connection with the death of Rebecca Sedwick, who jumped from an abandoned concrete plant.

"Yes IK I bullied REBECCA nd she killed her self but IDGAF," the Facebook post read. Grady Judd, sheriff of Polk County, Florida, said the online vernacular meant "I don't give a (expletive)."

This was a confession, right?

All forms of bullying has been around for years. Being confronted in the restroom at school, in the gym showers, or on the playground has always seemed to cause problems for someone along the way. But, now it is no longer confined to the playground or the schoolyard. Bullying is showing up in electronic form in more ways and causing more grief than some who are bullied can handle.

Cyberbullying: What you can do to help your child

From: US Department of Health and Human Services

As a parent, you should know that playgrounds and schoolyards aren’t the only places bullies hang out-they can also be found in cyberspace.

Cyberbullying occurs when bullies use the internet, cellphones or other technology to hurt or embarrass someone. It’s a common problem among teens.

Examples of cyberbullying include:

· Sending hurtful, rude or mean text messages

· Emailing rumors or lies about someone or posting them on social networks

If you think or know that your child is being cyberbullied:

· Don’t ignore the problem or hope it will go away. Instead, talk to your child about it and reassure him or her that the situation can be handled.

· Tell your child not to respond to the bullying-it may only make it worse.

· Block the person who is cyberbullying. Many websites and phone companies will let you do this.

· Document bullying incidents, and report threats or other criminal behavior to the police.

· Check with your child to make sure the cyberbullying has stopped. If not, contact the appropriate people, websites or companies again or take with an attorney. Kids who are bullied are at risk for having emotional and physical problems, including increased thoughts about suicide.

Published in PARTNERS;

Jackson Hospital, Montgomery, Alabama;

Winter 2014

This form of bullying takes on an immensely more and deeper meaning because of the far reaching effect it has on an individual. The advent of cell phones, computers, and tablets as well as communication tools including social media sites, text messages, chat, and websites are all worthy and well-meaning uses in this technological age. If used right and appropriately these will connect us with the world, but can be and are being used for greater harm. Cyberbullying which includes mean and degrading text messages or emails, rumors sent by email or posted on social networking sites, and embarrassing pictures, videos, websites, or fake profiles all are causing a great amount of grief for individuals these are aimed at through technology.

Kids who are being cyberbullied are often bullied in person but adding technology kids who are cyberbullied have a harder time getting away from the behavior. Cyberbullying can happen 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, reaching a kid even when he or she is alone. Cyberbullying messages and images can be posted anonymously and distributed quickly to a very wide audience. It can be difficult and sometimes impossible to trace the source. Wanting to get away from this type of bullying becomes frustrating when they attempt to delete inappropriate or harassing messages, texts, and pictures finding that it is extremely difficult after they have been posted or sent.

Many in the world today want to lay the blame on something, as it is with gun control, misinformed people will blame the technology. Yet, cell phones and computers themselves are not to blame for cyberbullying. As much as social media sites can be used for positive activities connecting kids with friends and family, helping students with school, and for entertainment these tools can also be used to hurt other people. Whether done in person or through technology, the effects of bullying are similar.

Kids who are cyberbullied are more likely to: use alcohol and drugs; skip school; experience in-person bullying; be unwilling to attend school; receive poor grades; have lower self-esteem; experience more health problems

Statistically, numbers show that the occurrence of cyberbullying is on the rise:

· The 2008–2009 School Crime Supplement (National Center for Education Statistics and Bureau of Justice Statistics) indicates that 6% of students in grades 6–12 experienced cyberbullying.

· The 2011 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey finds that 16% of high school students (grades 9-12) were electronically bullied in the past year.

Research on cyberbullying is growing. However, because kids’ technology use changes rapidly, it is difficult to design surveys that accurately capture trends.

School administrators, teachers, and employees, working hand-in-hand with parents and students are the three fold cord in this fight against an enemy which is driving our children to despair and death. Working together, taking seriously the problem, and educating students in what is to be reported and how it will be handled are worthy considerations. It is often said, and correct in my humble opinion, that it takes a village to raise a child. Well, the village needs to step up to the bat.

Everyone has a stake in this battle!

Know the signs of bullying!

Each member of the three fold cord needs to take seriously these signs. Know them and act on them appropriately!

Physical bullying

1. Causing physical injuries

2. Stealing

3. Punching

4. Shoving

5. Fighting

6. Slapping

7. Debagging (removing trousers by force)

8. Giving wedgies

9. Attacking

10. Initiating school pranks

11. Teasing and abusing

Emotional or indirect bullying

1. Spreading rumors

2. Instigating or participating in excluding certain people from a group

3. Instigating or participating in "ganging up" on someone

4. Ignoring people on purpose, the silent treatment

5. Harassing

6. Provoking

7. Whispering to another person in front of someone, a whispering campaign

8. Keeping secrets from a so-called friend

Verbal bullying

1. Teasing people in a mean way or cursing at at someone

2. Calling someone names

3. Making mean comments about clothing, looks, body, anything else

4. Tormenting

5. Harassing

6. Using profanity

Cyberbullying

1. Sending mean-spirited e-mail

2. Posting inappropriate or mean-spirited comments to blogs or other websites about another person

3. Using someone else's name to spread rumors or lies

4. Sending mean-spirited cellphone communications including text message, pictures, video, calls

Recognizing a pattern

Bullying is a form of abuse. It is comprised of repeated acts over time that involve a real or perceived imbalance of power with the more powerful individual or group abusing those who are less powerful. The power imbalance may be social or physical. Forms of bullying include but or are not limited to physical, emotional, verbal, electronic and sexual.

Source: Caddo Parish (La.) School Board

I have left this article as it was published on the World Wide Web

8/21/11

Cyberbullying is no LOL matter

‘Everybody, everywhere has a bullying problem’ — virtual harassment outside of school can be emotionally and mentally damaging

By Catherine Godbey

The headlines filled televisions, magazines and newspapers.

“Teen commits suicide due to bullying.”

“Cyberbullying led to teen’s suicide.”

“My bullied son’s last day on earth.”

Bullying, once relegated to the halls of schools and playgrounds, has spread to cyberspace. And no small town or big city is exempt.

“All schools have problems. In inner-city schools with 2,200 people and country schools with 100 students, everybody, everywhere has a bullying problem,” said Kirk Smalley.

This fact Smalley, a father, husband, resident of the rural farming town of Perkins, Okla., and now activist, knows firsthand. In the past 461 days, Smalley and wife Laura visited 120 schools and reached out to 100,000 students. They will speak in Gadsden on Oct. 19.

Ending bullying is his life’s mission.

“One month and seven days after Ty’s death was Father’s Day. I made my boy a promise that day. I promised I would stop bullying in the world, and I never break a promise to my son,” Smalley said.

Smalley buried his 11-year-old son Ty on May 17, 2010 — four days after he committed suicide, four days after the school suspended him for what Smalley called retaliating against a bully.

For two years, Ty was the victim of bullies. For two years, Kirk and Laura Smalley made calls to the school, pleading with the administration to stop the bullying. For two years, he said, the school told them “boys will be boys.”

“On the morning of his death the bully began picking on Ty. Ty had had enough and fought back,” Smalley said. “He was suspended for three days.”

Laura Smalley, a cafeteria worker at the school, took Ty home, told him to do his chores and returned to work.

“At 2:30 p.m. on May 13, we came home and Ty had not done his homework or chores. We found him in our bedroom closet,” Smalley said.

Two weeks away from finishing sixth grade, the boy, a staunch St. Louis Cardinals fan and lover of dirt bikes and video games who attended church with Ms. Lila, his 85-year-old neighbor, shot himself with a pistol.

Intent on finding a reason in his son’s death, Smalley began his mission to end bullying by talking to schools, students, teachers, administrators, church officials and community leaders through Stand for the Silent program.

One of the biggest obstacles in Smalley’s mission: technology.

“Bullying is a lot different now. Now they can get to you 24/7 through email and text and Facebook,” he said. “There’s no hiding from it. There’s no safe place anymore.”

Dubbed cyberbullying, the online virtual bullying includes teasing, posting hurtful comments and spreading rumors.

According to the Cyberbullying Research Center, one in five 11- to 18-year-olds has been the target of cyberbullies. The harassment, the center noted, occurs more often with teenage girls. Compared to 16.6 percent of boys, 25.1 percent of girls said they experienced cyberbullying. Along with Facebook, MySpace and through email and text messages, cyberbullies use portable gaming devices, Formspring and ChatRoulette.

“With this information age, we are seeing more and more cyberbullying,” said Renee Kennedy, counselor at Hatton Elementary School. “It isn’t physical, but it hurts just as much emotionally and mentally. This can result in depression and the student’s grades can drop.”

‘No school is immune’

Bullying, whether physical or verbal, spans all social demographics, income levels, ethnicities and ages, said Dwight Satterfield, supervisor of school safety for Decatur City Schools.

“Bullying, if not the single hardest disciplinary issue, ranks among the hardest. No school is immune from bullying,” he said. “We could do bully prevention programs eight hours a day for the 161 days of school and there will still be bullying. But bullying doesn’t occur just at school. It happens in churches, it happens among adults, it happens in cyberspace.”

In 2009, Alabama passed the Student Harassment Prevention Act tasking school systems to develop anti-bullying policies.

The act defines harassment as “a continuous pattern of intentional behavior that takes place on school property, on a school bus, or at a school-sponsored function including, but not limited to, written, electronic, verbal, or physical acts.”

‘Bullies are smart’

“Bullies are smart. They are not going to do it in the open, so most of the time it occurs outside of school,” Satterfield said. “If we want to change the way our kids act, we need to change the way we act as a society as a whole. Parental involvement is key.”

Smalley agreed.

“If adults can learn to start treating each other with respect, then maybe we can raise a generation of no bullies. You don’t have to like each other, you don’t have to be friends with everyone, but you have to respect one another,” he said.

Eighth-graders Greer Cauthen, Alwyn Ambrose and Saisha Awasthi shared that message with younger girls last year when they staged a relationship rally.

The three cadet members of Decatur’s Girl Scout Troop 88 discussed cliques, self-esteem and bullying.

“It’s so hard going into middle school, that we wanted to share our own experiences,” said Cauthen. “Hopefully we stopped some people from being bullied and bullying. Hopefully they will stand up for themselves.”

Smalley urged adults not to ignore the little things.

“At one of the schools a teacher saw a big girl picking on a little girl. That same day another teacher saw the same two girls. Later, the bus driver saw the same girls,” Smalley said.

None of the adults reported the incidents, each referring to it as “something little.”

“This girl was picked on all day. To adults what may seem like something small may mean the world to this little girl,” Smalley said. “Each school needs to have a documentation procedure in place.”

Documentation is essential for establishing the “continuous pattern of intentional behavior,” Satterfield said.

Bystanders ‘just as bad’

Students who are bullied should tell an adult they trust each time the bullying occurs.

Bystanders, Smalley said, are not immune to responsibility.

“Being a bystander is just as bad. One word, just one, can stop a bully because most bullies don’t like to be called out in public as bullies,” he said.

“We could stop bullying if people would speak out,” Kennedy said. “We’ve got to get away from the boys will be boys, girls will be girls mind frame. We have to quit letting it stay in the shadows.”

“One in five 11- to 18-year-olds has been the target of cyberbullies, according to the Cyberbullying Research Center. Cyberbullying can include teasing, posting hurtful comments and spreading rumors. Bullying spans all social demographics, income levels, ethnicities and ages,” said Dwight Satterfield, supervisor of school safety for Decatur City Schools.

Tips for parents to prevent cyberbullying

· Establish that rules for interacting with people in real life also apply for interacting online or through cellphones.

· Educate your children about appropriate Internet-based behaviors. Explain to them the problems that can be created when technology is misused, such as damaging their reputation and getting in trouble at school or with the police.

· Model appropriate technology usage. Don’t harass or joke about others while online, especially around your children.

· Monitor your child’s activities while they are online. This can be done informally with supervisions and formally with software.

· Use filtering and blocking software as a part of online safety.

· Utilize an “Internet Use Contract” and a “Cellphone Use Contract” to foster a clear understanding about what is appropriate and what is not with respect to the use of communications technology.

· Cultivate and maintain a candid line of communication with your children, so they are willing to come to you whenever they experience something unpleasant or distressing in cyberspace. Victims of cyberbullying and the bystanders must know that the adults who they tell will intervene rationally and logically, and not make the situation worse.

Cyberbullying research center

· Read text messages and monitor what is happening on Facebook.

· Pay attention to who your child is shunning or making fun of.

· If your child is bullied, keep a written documentation of each time the harassment is reported to the school.

Dwight Satterfield, Decatur City Schools safety supervisor

· Believe your child when they tell you something is happening.

Kirk Smalley, parent

Cyberspace etiquette for students

· Assume everyone (parents, teachers, future employers, and law enforcement) has access to your profile, even if you have your profile restricted to “friends only.” Don’t discuss things you wouldn’t want them to know about. Make sure you set your profile to “private” so you can control who has easy access to your information.

· Use discretion when putting pictures on your profile. Your friends might think that picture of you acting silly at the party last night is hilarious, but how will your parents or a potential employer react? Also remember that when your friend or a stranger takes your picture, it may end up on their profile for all to see.

· Assume people will use the information on your profile to cause you harm. Don’t put anything online you wouldn’t want your worst enemy to know.

Cyberbullying research center

How to handle bully situations

· To avoid blaming the bullies, use “I” instead of “you” statements, such as “I really don’t like when ...”

· Take a stand, lend a hand; 60 percent of the time, bullying will stop in less than 10 seconds if a bystander intervenes.

· Find out how bullying is handled at your school.

· Try not to show you are angry or scared, because bullies like to upset you.

· Stick with friends. If you are not alone, the bully will be less likely to bother you.

· Avoid situations where you may be more likely to be bullied, for example, sit in the front of the bus rather than the back.

· Tell a trusted adult.

Girl Scout troop 88

Warning signs your child is being bullied:

· If your child becomes withdrawn or their Internet use becomes obsessive, they could either be a victim or a perpetrator of cyberbullying. — Cyberbullying Research Center

· If your child has a history of being bullied and they quit telling you, it is time to start being very concerned. — Kirk Smalley, parent.

· Look for any changes in their emotional, mental and academic state. If their grades drop, their whole demeanor changes or they start dressing differently, it may be time to investigate. — Renee Kennedy, Hatton Elementary counselor.

· Loses interest in visiting or talking with friends or suddenly has fewer friends. Loses interest in schoolwork or begins to do poorly in school. Avoids certain places. — Stopbullying.gov.

Warning signs your child is bullying others:

· Becomes violent with others.

· Gets sent to the principal’s office or detention a lot.

· Has extra money or new belongings that cannot be explained.

· Is quick to blame others or will not accept responsibility for their actions.

· Has friends who bully others.

· Needs to win or be the best at everything.

stopbullying.gov

Bullying 101

Some misconceptions about bullying behavior:

Kids being kids.

Rumor campaigns, teasing, name-calling and excessive fighting are not just “girls being girls, kids being kids,” says Erika Holiday, a Los Angeles psychologist who co-wrote “Mean Girls, Meaner Women.”

Without clear guidelines at school or in other settings on what is and isn’t considered bullying, parents are left to make judgments that might not jibe with the beliefs of others.

They’ll grow out of it.

Research indicates that bullies, who often were victims themselves, are more likely than non-bullying peers to face serious trouble later in life.

“Bullies are at higher risk for alcoholism and drug abuse, at higher risk of going to jail,” Holiday says.

Good controllers.

Rosalind Wiseman, who wrote “Queen Bees and Wannabes,” the basis for the movie “Mean Girls,” urges parents to tune in to warning signs early on. She calls bullies “good resource controllers” who can manipulate other children with ease starting at a young age.

“When they’re younger, they control the tricycle on the playground that everybody wants and as they get older it can be things that they’re organizing or things that put them in positions of leadership, unofficial or not.”

While bullies are often “socially intelligent, can read people well and are charismatic,” Wiseman warned parents to be on the lookout for such behavior, and that not all kids with those traits bully peers.

Parental emotions.

Parents may play out their own pasts as bullies or victims when taking on the social lives of their kids.

“There are parents who want their kids to be socially accepted and because they want the child to have a lot of friends, they accept mean behavior so long as the right people like you,” Wiseman says.

The dynamic is an important one for bullies, who rely on “wannabes,” or followers, to help make it happen.

“We are on the long road to making decent human beings,” Wiseman says. “You’ve got to hold your kid accountable.”

The Associated Press